Destigmatisation at the Workplace

By Rongxiang Lin, . Permalink

Before I start, I have to indicate how I wish to end. Mental illness is not a terminal disease, it may seem like an invisible form of cancer, but like all cancers it can be treated. Hence it is important to work closely with your medical team, caregivers, friends and family to overcome each obstacle one by one.

Flashback to the year 2001, I was 19 years old and serving my National Service. I was posted to Gombak Base HQ Mindef and after passing several background checks by Military Security Department, I was given a clearance of Top Secret, and designated to report directly to the Chief of Army, then General Ng Yat Chung.

2001 was also the year when the 911 terrorist attack took place, and security became extremely tight at Mindef. I felt suffocated, and I developed stomach tics and was diagnosed by the army psychiatrist as suffering from generalised anxiety disorder and therefore sedated with Valium 2mg. It marked the first time in my life where I brought mental issues into the workplace.

I informed my Chief Clerk then about my diagnosis, she wasn’t judgemental about me, but instead she told me to stay resilient and rallied my teammates to support one another. It was the first time I saw how good leadership can make a positive difference to mental patients. I was impressed, and I bit the bullet and completed the rest of my conscription liabilities and ORDed with an outstanding Certificate of Service.

Fast forward to the year 2005, I was applying for the National Infocomm Scholarship with the then Infocomm Development Authority. Very surprisingly I was actually chosen by the partner company Fujitsu Asia Pte Ltd out of around 10 shortlisted applicants. I had cold feet, I felt undeserving, so I told the NIS Secretariat that I have a history of mental issues, is it ok? I still remember the officer Linna Ng telling me that in the United States there are lots of professionals who also suffer from mental illnesses, it’s really no big deal. Linna encouraged me to accept the scholarship offer, which I did. I really appreciate the liberal and open attitude of our civil service officers towards mental illness, because I was already feeling very demoralised by my health records, so the last thing I needed was someone to put me down. As such, I am grateful to Linna and IDA for giving me the chance to prove that I could succeed.

In the years 2008-09 due to the Lehmann Brothers recession, Fujitsu underwent a major restructuring exercise and headcounts were being chopped rapidly. Each month we would say goodbye to some teammates and there was plenty of anxiety in the office. By then I had completed my scholarship bond and I felt that I could not bear to see the suffering going on. After 80% of my team was retrenched, I tendered my resignation.

In the next 10 years that followed, I felt like a lost sheep that has gone astray. I kept wondering whether was it a wrong decision to quit my job at Fujitsu, because after my departure I found a lot of obstacles trying to find a new job. My mental issues were acting up. Even though I was able to apply for new job openings, each time I was granted an interview, I would experience a lot of fear and nervousness as I attended the interview. I still recall confiding to my former Fujitsu mentor Jeanette Ng about my predicament, and she told me encouragingly that, “Even if you cannot snag the job, you can always become an interview expert.”

Hearing the advice from Jeanette gave me courage to confront my inner discomfort. I probably applied for around 1000 job openings between the years 2009-2019 and throughout these years I attended around 50 interviews. Initially I was still able to convince the interviewers that I was a good candidate, because I came from a strong academic and career background, so companies such as DSTA, Ministry of Education and several local startups would hire me as a full-time staff.

However, I wasn’t able to stay on in each company for long. After several months into each contract, I felt increasingly restless and could not focus on the job at hand. Each time I would speak to my supervisors and Human Resource departments about how I was coping, and they asked me whether have I seen a doctor about my condition. I replied them that yes and I was diagnosed with depression in the year 2012, but I wasn’t given any medication so I had no idea what to do next. In all cases, these employers told me that I should take care of my mental health first instead of putting up a false front, which I agreed. So what would happen again and again, was that I was invited to tender my resignation, and I did because I wasn’t able to overcome the stigma of having mental issues.

In the year 2018, after several years of failed attempts to stay in a fixed job for more than three months, I was hospitalised and diagnosed with bipolar and that was when I decided that enough was enough. I was placed under Institute of Mental Health’s Early Psychosis Intervention Programme (EPIP) and I also signed up for IMH’s OcTAVE occupational therapy service. I was basically restarting from scratch. IMH OcTAVE tried to matchmake me to call centre jobs such as KFC, but I didn’t pass their entrance tests.

Still, IMH tried further, by placing me in their in-house clerical training. I passed that one and I worked with them for several weeks.

IMH also worked with me to try and find employment that was more suitable for my education background. I was trained to be an engineer, so after several rounds of consultation with occupational therapists, we agreed that it would be a good idea for me to join my maternal aunt’s structural engineering business, which I did. I found peace and solidarity since then, and have been working for my aunt for the past seven years since 2019. The pay may not be a lot being a family business, but at least I am still working in an engineering-related field which I was trained for. I am also grateful to all the various benefactors who have guided me along the way when I was down and out.

To me, I have survived the darkest moments of my life since I was diagnosed with mental illnesses, and I am truly appreciative of all the help that has been rendered to me in keeping me afloat. If I had my way, I would go into the nitty gritty details of how each and every help was offered to me and express my sincere thanks, but what gives me more meaning instead is a verse from the Bible: “I have gone astray like a lost sheep; seek your servant, for I do not forget your commandments.” – Psalm 119:176

What I want to say is that I have been lost in transition before, but throughout the years of seeking I have kept faith and did my best not to transgress the law. Hence, even though I do not identify myself as a Christian, God has never given up on me and I have been assisted in many ways aplenty. Mental illness can be treated, so if one is unwell, seek treatment and get professional help asap. Working with one’s team of experts as well as cherishing one’s family and friends, one can embark on the journey to recovery with minimal fuss. This is my message which I started this story with, and this is how I shall end this tale too. Thank you for your time.

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