Purpose Driven Life

There are several people around me whofall under the category of nihilists. It's not wrong, it's just that I tried it before, and it didn't work out very well for me.

I'm a Scorpio, like most Scorpios I brood a lot about life, and I am innately curious about nature. Where my beliefs are concerned, I am torn into two pieces by my extended family - theists and Christians on the paternal side, and Buddhists and Taoists on the maternal side. They don't quarrel, but they are happy when I take sides with them, but I can't be sitting on the fence forever. Eventually I decided that this life I'd be an agnostic Zen Buddhist, I'm not going to eternal heaven, I pray hard that Amitabha Pureland welcomes me when I mati.

With the bigger challenges sorted out, I then go ahead and ask myself what I want to do this life. I read a lot of self-help spiritual books, but none of them was to my liking. I still remember my corporate mentor Jeanette Ng Chuey Yean telling me, "Be true to yourself." For some reason this quote resonates with me deeply for the past 18 years. I kept pestering myself with all kinds of spiritual ironies, dilemmas, dichotomies, paradoxes, koans, riddles, you name it, I'll try to play with it. Eventually, being a contemplative became my purpose in life.

I meditate a fair bit, and I would also do Zazen meditation with my eyes open and try to inch closer to ultimate reality bit by bit every day. Life became very fun and enjoyable when I am happy with my way of life. Being happy hence became a purpose for me during my short stint here on this planet. I also express gratitude and thanks to all my benefactors and debtors who put up with me as I figure my way out of this major entanglement called 'life', I never really succeeded, but still try I would.

It is a tremendous great fortune to be born in Singapore where there are no wars and no natural disasters. I count my blessings all the time, and at this point my father is retiring from his undertaker business, so I'm learning the ropes from him on how to look after my demise and others too. I miss being a computer engineer which was my basic training, but I am happy when I am of some use to this world.

Think I'll stop here for the time being, it's almost sunrise. These days I work graveyard shifts, and my sleeping habits have really been distorted. I'm still trying to get used to it. Slowly bah, like TS says approximately, life is nothing but at most a journey.

Enjoy the morning, it's a new day, a new week, a new beginning!