SNAFU

Before I became a Buddhist, I was worrying about dying all the time. I still remember I was an army conscript in my country Singapore during the years 1999 to 2002, and back then the 911 Terror Attack took place, I was shocked. Security became extremely tight in the military headquarters where I was deployed, and everyone became so paranoid it felt as if we were going to die anytime. I eventually developed stomach tics and was diagnosed with general anxiety disorder, and was subsequently placed on 2mg Valium daily. From that point onwards, the world somehow became a really dangerous place. There was SARS in the year 2003, the Lehmann Brothers recession in 2008, I just felt that everything was going wrong.

It was only when I accepted the Buddha's teachings on the Three Marks of Existence, when I started attending a Basic Buddhism course in the year 2007 did I suddenly feel that all that is going wrong with the world is actually pretty normal. It's just the way the world is, snafu all the way. As I started to practise the dharma, I felt that things normalised themselves. There was still suffering in the world for both humans and other sentient beings, yet things didn't seem that bad. I sought refuge in the triple gem, took my training precepts, obeyed the Noble Eightfold Path, and gradually things became lighter for me. I am still afraid of dying, but at least I reconciled within myself that death is natural. Whether I am being eaten alive, or being run down by a car while crossing a road, or dying of old age and sickness, I stopped challenging death, and death became a good friend of mine.