No Attainment, No Realisation

 

Happy for those who attained jhanas and higher states of bliss through their own vigourous effort and meditative practices. I believe that those who realised higher orders will most likely have an auspicious rebirth.

For me, I stopped practising to achieve any higher order statuses, instead I focus on getting my basics sorted out because I'm quite f***ed up as an individual. It's like me learning how to swim. I started swimming classes in Primary Six, that was in the year 1993, but I kept swallowing water and couldn't float. The coach kept telling me to let go and float normally, but I cannot get simple instructions done properly and I would keep on drowning if my swimming float is taken away. All these years I have never managed to swim properly, the only approach I could manage was to swim really slowly using frog style. I couldn't do free style or any of the higher methods.

So it's the same for my meditation. I was taught a lot of techniques, but I did not manage to attain any jhana or enlightenment. I remain as a moron, a fool, failing to even regulate my breathing properly when doing breathing meditation. The teacher told me: Just breathe naturally! I understood the words, but I kept fighting my breath and I eventually flopped my most basic meditation technique. It was only when I met my Zazen roshi Adam "Genkaku" Fisher did he teach me to do zazen with my eyes open. It was supposed to help alleviate my mental afflictions so that I stopped being the control freak that I was. I am still screwed up at the end of the day, but at least I am still sitting.

No attainment. No realisation. Not kidding. Just a complete flop.

In metta ❤️