Killed a Cockroach

A cockroach entered my bedroom just now. I was not surprised, but I thought of setting it free by the window, so I took a plastic container and tried to catch it. Unfortunately, I did not aim properly and accidentally squashed the cockroach with the rim of the container. The cockroach wanted to escape, I said "wait I want to help you" but it kept wriggling and eventually its head got dislocated from the body. I quickly used a piece of paper to wrap up the container and cockroach, then went outside and threw it away.

The moral of the story? Sometimes we want to help others, but it doesn't work all the time. It doesn't stop me from wanting to help, but sh1t happens sometimes and I am really sorry I made a mess out of it.

I don't want to be a goodie two shoe even though I identify myself more or less as a Zen Buddhist. There are some Singaporeans I know who like to judge others and criticise others - if you kill a mouse they have something to say, if you kill a mosquito they also have something to say - I don't want to be such a person. I am ashamed that I am imperfect and I make mistakes, and I have to suffer as a result. Yet, to me, it had to be done. A pest running around the household is a nuisance, and if I had to kill it I had to kill it, even though it might be an accident. I don't wish to repent to the Buddha and pretend that it won't ever happen again, to me, it was a mistake and I hope it was a good one. May the cockroach be reborn as a luckier being and not have to meet me again next life. 

Om Mani Padme Hum.