Being Lustful

Yesterday, I went to my community garden to harvest some greens, and then delivered them to the doorsteps of neighbours who had asked us to share. The weather has been fantastic and so the sponge gourds were exceptionally nice and juicy.

As I visited one neighbour's home after another, I came to a particular resident's home and I pressed the doorbell. It took sometime for someone to come to door, and a young lady came to answer it. I was bewildered when I saw her, she was wearing very little, basically just lacy pyjamas with spaghetti stripes. She told me that her father - my friend - was overseas. I acknowledged her response and I quickly left because she was alone at home and it was rather awkward for me.

When I came home, I was restless because on one hand I started missing my ex-girlfriend, while on the other hand I had difficulty letting go of what I saw. It has been four years since I touched a woman other than my mother and aunt, and I could sense that I was going crazy with my vows of celibacy and continence being tested.

24 hours have since passed and I feel a lot more at ease now. It's not as if I have never seen a naked woman before, but because it has been a long time since I last physically encountered a scantly dressed female, I had to grapple with myself as delusions took over my mind.

I am grateful to Avalokitesvara Guan Yin Bodhisattva for being there for me as I tried to overcome lust. Devotional faith helped me stay sane as I contemplated the filth and impermanence of the human body. I joked with myself reminding myself the good news that I am still heterosexual all these months after breaking up with my Significant Other, I did not become homosexual so I am thankful that I am still straight. Still, lust is a timeless problem for me and even though I am an aging 43 year old by now, I still need to be careful.